When he put a spoonful into his mouth, it scalded his tongue, which caused him to spit the hot liquid onto the grass nearby.
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| Wikimedia Commons |
There was a butterfly in the grass that was sprayed by the liquid, causing it to fly away from its resting place.
The butterfly flew off eventually encountering the Indian hero, Kut O Yis, who was practicing his archery skills. The presence of the butterfly caused Kut O Yis to overshoot his target by a few inches.
The arrow flew off in the distance and struck a horse in the rear. At the surprise of the arrow, the horse bucked, whinnied, and neighed.
Eventually, all of the noise coming from the horse awoke its owner who was startled by the horse's reaction. Wondering what had happened, he grabbed his revolver out of its sling and let loose a couple of warning shots.
The old man's donkey was scared by the warning shots from the horse's owner, which made it kick out its hind legs.
As the donkey kicked out its hind legs, it accidentally hit the spice can by the fire pit. The can was propelled back into the old man's face.
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| Wikimedia Commons |
With a tickled nose, the old man realized that he needed to sneeze. So he turned back to his left and reared his head back to sneeze. He wasn't polite when it came to sneezing, so as he lurched his head forward to let out the force of his sneeze, his mouth met the boulder of which he was unaware.
The connection between the rock and his teeth caused the aching tooth to be knocked straight from his mouth. In shock and a bit of pain, the old man felt around in his mouth and realized the aching was gone.
To this day, the old man hasn't had a toothache.
This is all thanks to the supper that scalded the old man's mouth.
Causing him to spit on the butterfly.
That flew away and distracted Kut O Yis.
Who missed his target with his arrow.
That ended up in the hindquarters of a horse.
Which woke the horse's owner.
Who fired off his gun.
Leading to the old man's donkey being startled.
That kicked the spice can over.
Causing the old man to sneeze.
Right into a boulder that knocked his aching tooth out.
Author's Note: I was inspired to attempt this story style after looking through the different types Dr. Gibbs gave to us. I combined the technique from the accumulative stories with some of the characters in the Blackfoot stories. In the accumulative stories, there are two styles that I built off of. I used the story, "This is the House that Jack Built" to help create a conclusion to my overall story, and I kind of followed the old woman's tale for the rest of the story. Instead of creating my own characters, I used my reading from last week (Blackfoot Stories), and implemented a few characters from those stories. The old man was a popular supernatural character in the Blackfoot tales, so I wanted to make him my main character. Kut O Yis is a hero from the stories who uses a bow. I thought it would be funny to have him be in the background as part of the sequence of events. The butterfly was a symbol for the "butterfly effect," which was how the story's plot unfolded. Truthfully, most of the other things I included in the story were added in to complement the characters I had already used. I just tried to match what I thought would be appropriate for the time frame of the stories.
Bibliography: Accumulative Stories in The Nursery Rhyme Book edited by Andrew Lang
Blackfoot Stories by Grinnell
"One day there was an old man sitting by a campfire, with his donkey."
ReplyDeleteNo need for a comma in this sentence!
For a moment, I thought he killed the butterfly and I was horrified honestly. So glad that didn't happen.
Glancing at your story, I was curious at the formatting near the end because we've seen that in some stories we've read. Now that I've read it, it's pretty amusing and I think you did awesome trying this style! You were spot on and I like how you managed to tie everything together.
Nice work!
Great story, Logan! I really liked the unique style you used. It kind of reminded me of a children's book because of how far-fetched the plot was, but it was sure fun to read. I liked how you went your own way with the story, but also incorporated characters from the Blackfoot stories.
ReplyDeleteYou made a pretty humorous story. The chain of events just kept going and going, it made me laugh about halfway through. I really liked the symbolism of the butterfly representing the butterfly effect, probably the perfect symbol to use there. Using characters from stories you wrote in the past is an interesting idea, and it was executed pretty well.
ReplyDeleteHey Logan! I liked your blurb for this story. I drew me in just enough to want to keep reading! I also really like the picture! It is pretty funny and very fitting. The title is great too. It tells me what the story will be about but doesn’t give away too many details to the story. The picture of the guys spitting water out like a fountain is hilarious and adds even more of a humor element to your story! That is a great touch!!! I think your attempt to try a new story style worked out great. This is a really good story! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Logan! I really, really like this story and the writing style as well. Based on the introduction you wrote for this story in your portfolio index, I was expecting to see some sort of unique style used in this story. You definitely did not disappoint! You did a great job of drawing me in at the beginning of the story and keeping my interest throughout. I wasn't sure where the story was going to go after the old man spit hot water on the butterfly. For some reason, I thought the butterfly would just die and then the story would go from there. I was pleasantly surprised by how the story unfolded. I liked how everything intertwined and connected together. I liked how one event affected each following event in a sequential order. It kind of made me think about how our actions can have drastic affects when we don't even know it. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story reminds me of an old children’s book I used to love, the one about the old lady who swallowed a fly. This story could totally be illustrated or animated in a fun way like that!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started in, I was a little unsure of where the story was going. But when I realized what was happening, I was totally on board. It’s super fun and a little far-fetched, which is great. The fact that it’s based on a Blackfoot story seems to enrich it, too—like it’s not just a silly story, but there’s backstory there, as with the hero Kut O Yis.
If you’re looking to revise, you could set up the story with an extra paragraph at the beginning. I mentioned being a little unsure of the story in the beginning, so if you were to introduce a few of the story’s many characters and elements before they become directly relevant, then it might make that transition easier. For example, you could start with something like, “It was a morning when old men and heroes alike emerged to enjoy the clear weather; horses were grazing; butterflies emerged from their cocoons…” etc. Just to prepare the reader for the sheer number of things we’re about to read about.
Great job!
I really liked how you decided to put together this story. I have seen similar type writing styles in the past books/ stories I have read so I thought it was interesting that you did something similar. I have not seen anyone else do this type of style of story so I really appreciated that you did! I do not have anything to say that someone else hasn't already said. I will add that I really like how developed your author's note is. You explained everything very well and in great detail. I felt like if I missed anything in the actual story that the author's note helped pull my thoughts in some more to make a more formal judgement of your story. Which by the way is a good thing. I think your story was unique and creative. You seem like a very talented writer and seem to know a thing or two about what you're doing.
ReplyDeleteLogan, this was a super interesting story. I like how you made a series of actions based on the previous that finally looped back around to the old man. I have never read a story like this before but it was definitely entertaining and I am glad that I clicked on this one! Personally, I would not like my tooth to be taken out by a boulder…. that sounds awful! The style of these theme kind of reminded me of the Wikipedia trail assignment this year. It linked one thing to the other even though it was unexpected at times. Your author’s note was excellent in explaining what you did throughout your story and where you got your inspiration from. I do not really have any suggestions for this story but I would love to read a story similar to this in the future. I hope the end of the semester goes well for you! Great job!
ReplyDeleteLogan, your blurb on your portfolio for this story was really good! I was especially intrigued to know more about the writing style since you said it was your favorite one. I loved this chain of events, butterfly effect, that we got to follow in your story! That quality really made it interesting to read! I did get a little confused when you were talking about the horse’s owner and then you switched back to the old man and his donkey. Where they close by? I thought for sure they were a good distance away from each other since that is where the story begins. The picture of the donkey made me laugh, so good job on that! I felt so bad for the old man as I was reading about him sneezing and hitting his mouth on the boulder so hard that it knocked his tooth out. How awesome, though, that he never had a toothache after that!
ReplyDeleteHey!
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your portfolio. I think this story is very interesting and I will say you have an ability to draw me in as a reader and keep my attention. That is something that is super difficult to do as an author so that is something you should be proud of!
Your writing style is really great – super funny in a way even when I am not sure you are trying to be. You have an ability to connect events in the story really well and that is super important so the reader do not get lost. The only direction I want to give you with my feedback is maybe take into consideration a stronger introduction. It is a little misleading and I know it is supposed to be but it could be done a little sharper and cleaner. One more week – keep up your really good work!!
Erin