The sun rose up over the ocean as the horns blew in unison.
Achilles arose from his sleep, which seemed like a restless night given
the urgency of the day. The Greeks would be bringing the battle against the
Trojans, led by the great warrior Achilles.
Many doubted Achilles’ ability when compared to Hector, the greatest prince of Troy, even
though the Greek hero was one of the most skilled warriors known to man. The only person who truly believed
in Achilles was Patroclus, Achilles’ best ally and friend.
Achilles suited up with his armor and grabbed his bow, as he
was about to set out to find his friend.
“Achilles!” Patroclus called. “How was your rest last nightfall? Great adversaries await us within the Trojan walls. Hopefully you are ready.”
“Ah, Patroclus, as usual you jump straight into conversation about war.” Achilles exhaled. “When will you greet me one morning with talk of peaceful things, such as the weather or food?”
Patroclus shrugged. “There will be plenty more mornings to discuss those trivial matters, but the day is too grand for that now. Let us go gather the cavalry. We have a city to conquer!”
Achilles followed Patroclus out of his tent with the prayer that Patroclus' optimism in battle would prove true.
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| (Zeus, Nike, and Athena -- Jennifer Leung) Source: Flickr |
“Athena, you know I cannot let Achilles beat Hector,” Zeus said.
“No, you must not intervene with this war. Let what is meant to be, be,” begged Athena.
“Fine. Hector is too fierce an opponent for Achilles to overcome. Surely, the Trojans will win the battle.”
Many hours passed as the war waged on. The once golden sand on the battlefield was now red, covered in both Greek and Trojan blood. All around were bodies of fallen soldiers with arrows and spears protruding from their bodies. Many of which were not yet dead, but lying and waiting for the darkness to take them. Surrounded by the sounds of pain from injured soldiers and grief from the comrades who watched their closest allies perish.
Finally, as Achilles neared the Trojan walls, he met eyes with Hector. He checked his quiver to make sure he had arrows left and gripped his bow fiercely, ready to find out what fate would bring.
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| Wikimedia Commons |
Finally, as Achilles neared the Trojan walls, he met eyes with Hector. He checked his quiver to make sure he had arrows left and gripped his bow fiercely, ready to find out what fate would bring.
Although many other skirmishes were going on within the war,
everyone began to slow their actions, looking in awe upon the two great
warriors. Soldiers from all around cleared the area around Achilles and Hector.
Patroclus stepped up behind Achilles, ready to help him take
Hector down.
“No, Patroclus, I must do this on my own. If I am to perish today, I will do so with respect on the battlefield.” Achilles motioned Patroclus to stand back.
Time stood still while every eye looked on anxiously awaiting the first strike.
Hector brought up his shield in anticipation of Achilles' arrow and was just quick enough, as the golden arrowhead met the middle of the shield. Hector knew he needed to get closer to Achilles to gain the advantage.
Achilles fired relentlessly as Hector dashed left and right, hoping to catch a piece of his skin.
Hector reached his intended destination at the foot of Achilles, seemingly unscathed. Achilles switched his strategy to defend against his opponent's quick strikes. Hector was bearing down on Achilles, within seconds of defeating him, but then his left leg gave out as he planted to swing his sword for the finishing blow. Hector crashed to the ground with shock covering his face.
As he looked down to find what could have caused his downfall, he said, "What have you done to me? No one man can defeat me in battle."
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| (Achilles -- floratheexplora) Source: Flickr |
"You were a great adversary, Hector, but you underestimated my abilities," Achilles stated.As he finished his sentence, Hector struck out at Achilles with his sword in his final attempt to win the fight. Achilles was too quick and dodged the blow while thrusting an arrow into Hector's stomach.
Achilles had done the seemingly impossible by killing Hector. Both the Trojan and Greek warriors were shocked by what had happened. All except Patroclus, who smiled, knowing all along his friend was worthy of more respect.
The war was all but over at that point. With their leading general killed, the Trojans felt no need to fight longer, for they would lose either way.
Later that night, as Achilles lay in his tent, Patroclus entered ready to feast and drink with the hero.
Knowing what Patroclus was about to ask, Achilles put his hand up and said, "Not tonight, my friend, we will feast tomorrow, but tonight I rest."Patroclus did not bother arguing and turned to walk out.
While shifting out of the tent Patroclus murmured, "I will wake you in the morning, with talk of the weather."----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Because the story was quite long, I focused more on the main feud between Achilles and Hector. Since it was such a pivotal moment in the actual reading, I decided that I wanted to surround that concept with my own tweaks. In the original story, Hector was made to be the underdog against Achilles. I wanted to reverse that just to make it as though Hector were the better fighter. I thought the original story was predictable in the way Homer had the better fighter win (not that mine was so unpredictable). Homer also let the gods intervene in the battles more than I had expected, so I wanted to alter that. Hermes and Athena were both influential in the deaths of Patroclus and Hector in the original. Athene deceived Hector by making him think he had his brother to fight with him. Hermes flipped Patroclus' chariot when he was on a killing spree in the battlefield. Without the gods interfering, it would show a true test between the warriors. Although I kept the same overall concept with who won the fight, I changed the sequence of the fight, especially with the way Hector died. Homer just had Achilles kill him without specifying a particular body part. Usually, Achilles' weakness is his Achilles heel, but I decided to make that strength for him in the fight. In the original story, Achilles drug Hector's body around after he killed him. I wanted Achilles' to be more merciful, so I cut that out of my story. In the original, the warriors continue the fight even after Hector dies, but I wanted to change it because it was so morally demoralizing for them to see their greatest fighter die. The images I chose were to help the reader imagine the views of the gods talking, and also the sight on the battlefield.
Bibliography: Homer's Iliad retold by A. J. Church
I really enjoyed this story! I think it was smart to cut it back from the original story so it wasn't as long, but you kept the necessary parts and everything flowed really nicely so it didn't feel like anything was missing. The dialogue was believable and really contributed to the story overall. I appreciated how you worked in the last line to tie back in to the above dialogue, to me it made their friendship more believable. I read it almost in a sarcastic voice, which is how I would have said it to one of my friends as well.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very fun story to read! You did a great job with funny and plausible dialogue that represented the style and period of the story as well as moving the story along. I liked the battle sequences and your descriptions of the overall war were excellent. That is such a fun twist in the story that you reversed who the underdog was from Achilles to Hector- something I did not expect. I also really liked the friendship between Patroclus and Achilles and the last line made me laugh!
ReplyDeleteHey again Logan! I can only imagine how long the original story was if the cut back version is this long! I really enjoyed reading it though and they way you wrote it made it a very fast read! I look forward to reading more of your stories. I love that you separated the paragraphs and made the first letter big, it makes me want to do the same with my future stories!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job with cutting out parts but still keeping the story whole. I did have to reread a few sentences when Achilles took down hector. Maybe adding a little more description on how the battle went down would be good. I like the big letters and I like the sizes of each paragraph. I like the pictures added, the second one helps with understanding what is going on but maybe say that hector used and arrow to get his heel because right now it sounds like his sword is what got it. The twist is great with having Achilles as the underdog. Great Story!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, this story was a really good one. I like how you twisted the story, even though I love Hector and think he's way better than Achilles (thank you for having Achilles not drag his dead body). I like the relationship between Patroclus and Achilles. It really is a good one. I also think it's interesting how you indented the dialogue. It's really different and I like it. In addition, I love the how vividly you describe the action in your story. I always have trouble writing fight scenes, so this was really good.
ReplyDeleteI do have a few questions / concerns about the story, however. First off, I think you could expand slightly that the gods have decided to stay out of the war. I was a little confused at first by the scene with Zeus and Athena, but once I read your author's note, it became more clear. Also, the fight scenes, while described very well, seemed a little unrealistic. I would make it more clear that Achilles shot an arrow first. But I also have concerns with Achilles using a bow and arrows to fight in close combat. I'm not sure that that would work very well. I was also confused by how he was able to shoot Hector, so you could make that more clear. Then, I am not sure that Achilles would be able to successfully kill Hector with an arrow. Perhaps I am wrong, but I just have a hard time imagining it in my head. I also do not think that Hector's heel would be called an Achilles just yet. Other than those concerns though, I thought your story was really well done and well-written.
I first want to stay that I really like the formatting you employed. I like how you offset the dialogue as well as using the stylized letters at the beginning of paragraphs. I think it was a smart way to transition throughout the story. One formatting suggestion I think would improve this post is to move the picture captions to the end of the post. I think the pictures alone would work a bit better; the caption makes me thing "historical account" rather than "story unfolding". I also like that you left the gods' interactions out of the story. It makes it much more historical non-fiction and less historical fiction, which I think is a plus. I know you wanted to focus on the meat of the story, but it did feel weird just jumping straight into Achilles and Hector meeting. I think it would be worth it to add a bit of filler to make the transition less jarring. Like Amanda commented, I do think it was a bit odd to already have the heel named "Achilles Heel". Maybe you could include some additions to give context as to why it is called that. I really liked that you changed Achilles' heel to a strength rather than a weakness. That's a scenario I had never thought about before. Overall, I think this was well written, and I hope you keep up the excellent formatting choices!
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyable story. It's a lot shorter than the original but keeps the main ideas very well, with changes that make the story seem more realistic. The dialogue flowed naturally and made the characters feel more believable in my opinion. I also like the great irony in Achilles defeating someone else through exploiting their Achilles' tendon. The addition of having Hector's death demoralize the Trojan troops was also a good idea. If I had any criticisms, it'd be that the fight seemed to end too abruptly, like there should be something between Hector being stabbed with an arrow and the troops surrendering. Also the fight seemed a bit hard to follow at points, it could benefit from more detail. Also, with Zeus talking about how he can't let the Trojans lose and that he decided to let the fight be because he thought the Trojans would win anyways, I think it'd have been nice to see another dialogue between Athena and Zeus.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great first sentence to your story. I love it.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know if you meant this to be comedic, but the first set of dialogue between Achilles and Patroclus had me chuckling while I read it. I like that Achilles wanted to talk about peaceful things such as weather and food. This dialogue of his helps me understand his character’s personality.
I’m not much into war stories, so the spots where there is no dialogue lost me a bit. But again, that’s just a personal thing. I really like the ending and how you brought it full circle with Patroclus and talk of the weather. This story is well-written, and I think you did a nice job with the pictures as well. The only thing that I might say is trying to make the war scenes either more graphic or add more dialogue. Nice job with your first portfolio story!
I was immediately drawn in by Achilles and Patroclus’ seeming bromance. I especially like how gung-ho and optimistic Patroclus is compared to Achilles. It’s almost like someone waking up to seeing their dog ready to go for a walk to start the day. Your blog is also really well formatted and the way you styled the post with dialogue and descriptions styled differently really helped draw the reader forward and keep them engaged in the reading.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that wasn’t clear to me was how exactly did Achilles win? Did he somehow bend the path of an arrow or did someone else shoot Hector? I think some clarity in that would add to Achilles’ character as either a great warrior or show his flawed side depending on the direction you went.
Also, what if Patroclus had died and that affected Achilles fighting in some way. It could spur him on for revenge or make him lose his fighting edge? What if the tables were turned and Hector killed Patroclus and used him to demoralize Achilles?
This story is very well written. I liked the relationship that you contracted between Achilles and Patroclus. I liked that you had an underlying story theme of having a good friend believe in you despite the odds. This was really great. I wonder if Achilles would have been so brave and strong had he not had such a great friend that believed in him every step of the way. I really liked how you reversed the roles of who was an underdog. I also liked that you eliminated any interference by the gods from you story. What if you included something in your story about the Achilles tendon earning its name because that is how Achilles preferred to take down his opponents? I think it would be really cool if you used your story to come up with a new explanation of why the Achilles tendon is named as such. Overall, really great story!
ReplyDeleteWow! I really enjoyed reading your version of the feud between Achilles and Hector. I also read Homer’s Iliad by A.J. Church and it’s fun to see what different takes people can use with it as a reference.
ReplyDeleteI wonder…how did you come up with Hector as the one to be the underdog? I think it is fascinating and created a different dynamic that has not been explored!
What if…you added a little more imagery for your readers. I know it is hard to find pictures that align perfectly with what is happening in your head but it would help readers a lot! Especially with a story that people know so well and could potentially be hard for them to understand it is flipped. Overall fantastic job and way to create a dynamic in such an epic story that I have not even heard of or thought of. You have an ability to capture attention super well!
This was my first introduction to your story and overall I was really impressed with the direction in which you took the original source material to create a tale of your very own. I think adding dialogue to the story provides a more in depth understanding of what is occurring currently that would otherwise not be known if it was only presented in a first person perspective. The basic layout of your story posting is well done, particularly the placement of the photos to the side of the posting, intermingling them well into the narrative without breaking up the flow of the reader’s rhythm with the story. The dynamic developed between Achilles and Zeus discussing the sequences occurring on Earth as they watch with one another is interesting, and could be further developed even more into some backstory information that explains why they have reached this point. Overall I really enjoyed reading your story and will certainly return to see if there is any further advancement in the story.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. The formatting was very nice and made it easier to read and connect the series of events. The dialogue helped a lot also in learning about the characters. The styled letters also added a touch to the design of the story. The irony of Achilles defeating someone by damaging their achilles tendon was funny. At points the story was a bit too descriptive on the war and did not include enough dialogue which might have thrown me off a little but it wasn’t that bad. Overall great written story but maybe add a bit more dialogue or images to keep the readers engaged with the series of events. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLogan, I read your week 2 story: Greek Invasion in your portfolio. I like how you took the story of Achilles and put a twist on it because Achilles was one of my favorite people to read about when I learned mythology in high school. I love the formatting that you did for the story and the dialogue as well. These two elements made it feel like an actually epic story. There is a lot of description between Hector and Achilles battle that was well done and very fun to read. The only thing that I would really recommend that be changed in the entire post would be just to change the pictures. The pictures that you used are representative of the story but I feel like they would be more powerful if they showed drawings or portrayals of the scene instead of just a statue of the characters. Overall, this story was very well written!
ReplyDeleteHi, I really enjoyed your story. I think something I would expand a little more on is the fight scenes. I think maybe a little more description and dialogue throughout the scenes will help paint a better picture in the reader's brain. Also, I thought the fact that you brought up the Gods was very interesting and I liked it. Maybe you could also expand on their role in everything a little more too. I thought it was kind of strange how Zeus had such faith in Hector, but he lost. I figured Zeus would be an all knowing kind of god. I really like how you divided the story with the paragraphs. Before the battle, Battle, and Post-Battle. I also thought it was neat how you brought back the line from the beginning about greeting him with the weather. Those were some quirky things that I think really enhanced the story. Other than maybe some more description and dialogue I thought this was a good read.
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